ye gods and little fishes

(hmm is it fishes or fish? the plural i mean. :s) Anyway friends, non-romans and non-countrywomen, we are not here to bury any defunct disintegrated roman. it would be a waste of effort and space. we are here for greater things than that.

i am here to bury my brain. ye gods. i want to bury this brain and request a downgraded one. please. can the gods who attend to little fishes (or fish) help me out in this urgent requirement. i find it is pointless having a brain right now. i would like a little bit of fluff - sufficient to get the daily tasks thought through.

i definitely do not want a "bird brain" (see my next entry on my opinion on avian grey matter). just a bit of basic grey and white fluff. thank you very much. instead of a proper intenstinal looking convoluted bit of sponge.

can i also have an extra pair of hands. thank you. i need them to mark exam scripts. no don't even ask me about it. hear the desperation in my voice and the drastic nature of my actions. and make your judgement.

i am weary of academia. i cannot tolerate it - i see myself buried feet deep in examination papers, endlessly. this is why the removal of the brain might be useful. it would provide another pair of hands to mechanically mark the papers. possession of a brain in this diabolic activity, will render me suicidal. so can i please have brain removal. there are 1500 more 1st papers from feb 2006 to be marked. and going by the final year paper standards, i have little hope for any shred of sanity. and hold your breath...the next batch of first year papers will soon be in. not to mention the internal exam papers.

while we are about the re-installation of a fluff brain, can i hope that an internal self-cooling system will be installed (without too many additional pipes and such like). i need it sorely.

and, finally,
whoever is out there is at it, can i have a spiffing new pair of feet. i really need those because the current ones are killing me slowly (nothing to do with killing me softly with anybody's love). i can't promise not to pain the toenails - i mean with two pairs of hands, i have to keep everything busy and occupied.

i have balked at the thought of acupuncture...although the thought is being processed out of sheer desperation. needles in head and feet! now isn't that an appropriate singular conclusion to a phd. my head needs pins in it. i mean what can i say? well whenever i do go, IF i do go, i will have to be tied and dragged into the surgery. the dr is not that goodlooking though. not that these things matter to me - no really they don't. but look at it this way, if someone is sticking needles into you, it helps to look up appreciate the aesthetic alignment of the item that is inflicting such torture. i would hate to look up and see something that was not pleasing to the eye.

i wonder whoever is out there - you don't get tired of these requests. at least be thankful that i am not asking you for things like an empty parking space, or a seat in the bus. god, just think about that, those are the kind of the requests HE gets on a daily basis. i at least am channeling my trivia in the right directions.