thinking about being "real"

I am a bit tired of the god-talk that underlies everything...the god-talk that is a cover up and not an illumination of Him. The god-talk we use for our own benefit: "the Lord told me...", "the Lord led me to...", "the Lord opened this door..." (never mind that the door led to a job with deeply unethical roots). I am tired of the way we take God's name in vain - to cover up our tracks, to justify ourselves, to prop up fallen edifices in our lvies.

I felt a tremendous respect for Natala and Matt - for their courage and honesty in walking the path they do. I am not sure, but maybe they are closer to the heart of God than many of us.

I would like to excavate into the heart of people and see how many of us are doing what we do, and living the way we are, out of a subconscious need for acceptance and the fear of rejection. I think the good question to ask is that if ALL is stripped away - family, church, society - would we STILL live the way we do? What if our inner life was made public and people knew who we really were?

I am reminded of a sketch I wrote once about the different people I am:
- the person that I *think* I am
- the person that I *know* I am
- the person that I don't know I am
- the person that people *think* I am
- the person that God knows I am.

I have always wondered whether a truly Godly life is when all of these things are one and the same - albeit not completely but as close as they can be. At least a corelation of 3 might be good! One does need a bit of mystery and we can never know ourselves, others or God completely. But at least we can live transparently and be "real".