"pre-nuptial question"?!
"If we did not believe in god, would we still desire to be married? Well the answer to that was and is an overwhelming yes." That's off Natala's blog. Made me think that did. About what marriage is?
Perhaps the most fundamental question in other words "what matters - the person or the intstitution?". It seems to be that this is what the question boils down to. It is a stripping away of the "marriage props" to the bare bones of it all.
I don't have the answers (as usual - just the questions). But in a relationship it would be wonderful to look across a room at the other person and know that given the choice over and over again, it would be the same one I make. I remember reading something in The Sparrow (Mary Doria Russel) where one of central characters - Anne - decribes her marriage:
"I have been married at least four times, to four different men. They've all been named George Edwards, but believe me, the man who is waiting for me down the hall is a whole different animal from the boy I marrried. Oh there are continuities. He has always been fun and he has never been able to budget his time properly.... George and I have faced the fact that we have changed and we've had to decide whether it makes sense to create a new marriage between these two new people...."
Makes sense that. Makes a lot of sense.
1 Comments:
Thanks for exposing me to Natala's blog. This was an interesting read. I too faced the choice of going on without God at some point along the way.
For me the experience has been somewhat similar. The time I immediately rejected God in all the forms I had grown up to know him, it really threw me off the track for a while. But once I started to grow up, sort of on my own, that is without the props and cushionings that I had thought christianity was for, it liberated me.
There is something to be said about solving our problems on our own, just like Natala learnt to start doing with her marriage.
I guess what I mean is, we create a sort of learned helplessness in ourselves, with all this god-talk, faith-talk. When bad things happen, we have various justifications. Often we hide behind these from taking the real responsibility for ourselves, for our own choices, for the situation we have created ourselves into now.
Without God has been scary, but in a way it helped me grow up, be my "own" person. Right and wrong had to be redefined. Love needed a complete overhaul. I made huge mistakes, and may continue to do so. But in a way, I see a lot of the rights and wrongs I have now taken on as my world view / life ethic: don't create and perpetuate pain; love unconditionally and completely, even if your heart can still break; don't judge -- everyone has a story, their own private pain that has created them for who they are; be completely honest even at very great cost; seek the truth and stand for it; beauty, goodness, kindness, gentleness and tenderness are great virtues and to be treasured; love animals and nature; be totally free from prejuduice -- every story has two sides; war is not the answer; justice is rare in the world, and mostly you get raw deal, but be completely fair in all your dealings; love life -- yourself -- those who love you with everything; don't hate, let go of bitterness and anger -- it only destroys you; give generously, freely, and easily forget that you gave.
Long list, but I would say this is pretty much close to the essence of what christianity preaches. Yet, in a way you do this, free of reward (i.e. being a good girl to get heaven), just simply because you have come to beleive these are the only principles to really and truly live a deep and meaningful life.
I don't know where God is for me right now, I don't know if I will ever go back. For Natala she says its the way back to God. For me -- I really don't know. Yet, life has become for me more "real" as you say, something more valuable maybe -- not to be easily expended as I once beleived.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home