Found these on an email and they are rather funny :) They are apparently real church bulletein blipz.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.'

The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So, ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be: 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

:)