Held in the Hands

I am thinking of "vocation" in terms of a new meaning I picked up - it is the journey of becoming who I am called to be, in doing what I am called to do.

Today was the last episode of the documentary, that followed the spiritual journey of five men spending 6 weeks in a monastery. It was awesome to see the conclusion of that journey as God's spirit touched these men, and they encountered Him in the quietness of solitude and reflection. One of them especially - Tony who was working in the Porn Industry - emerged shaken with His encounter with God, and determined to live it out. He said it was the most profound moment in his entire life, and that as he returned to real life he would seek to bring that experience within the reach of others.

No one taught him how to go evangelise. No one told him to. No one even said anything about him having to preach to sinners. But there was living water springing from within him, and he wanted people to have it too. He couldn't help it.

Ever wonder why we are so apathetic about telling people about an awesome God. Because we are too bloody selfish, apathetic, and self centred. Because we have forgotten what it is like to truly know the Living God. Here was a man from the porn industry - STREETS ahead of most of our sanctimonious clean living pew christians. "Sister I don't have pre-marital sex", "No I don't drink", "ofcourse I don't have premarital sex". How NARROW can our christian faith and perspective become. Tony reminded me of many of the gospel encouters people had with Jesus - encounters that revolutionised and changed them.

For those of us who imagine that encounters with Christ come through rampant and blatant evangelisms and music, can think again. For here was God's Spirit and presence calling these five men - gently, patiently and clearly. And deeply. Very deeply.

At the end of the 6 weeks Tony met with his spiritual advicer - a moving encounter, both for Tony and those watching. Here was a grown man - crying because he was so profoundly touched by God. He was given a white stone by his advicer. The idea of the white stone, the advicer said, is taken from Revelations, where we are told that our new names will be written by God on a white stone that will last forever. He asked Tony to constantly ask himself, as he journeys through life, what name was being written on it. Not insignificantly the information at the end of the documentary, that had checked on the lives of the men, said that Tony no longer worked in the Porn industry. Not ONCE did any of the monks compel Tony to give up his life in the porn industry. They loved him as he was, shared God with him, and set him free to find God for himself.

I couldn't help but ask myself how profoundly are the depths of our lives being touched by the living God, so that it changes our direction, leaves us shaken with awe at the encounter, and then makes us quietly determined to go out and make sure that others can share in this miracle that we have found.

I think most of us, in our comfortable pews, fellowship groups, holy huddles have lost the depth and awe of the God we profess to know. We are busy singing songs, leaping around, talking big, discussing endlessly, listening to wonderful sermons, having warm fuzzies - but we have lost the point. As I once ranted before, most of us are consumer christians. We are there for what we can grab.

We have lost the springs of living water that come from quiet and profound experiences with Him. We have forgotten that solitude with God can literally save us from ourselves. We are indifferent to the name that we are called by God, and completely oblivious to the vocation - of doing what we are supposed to be doing, and becoming who we are called to be. And we have forgotten the deep compulsion and conviction of sharing God with those around us, because frankly we don't really experience Him anymore. It more a guilty burden we occasionally think of.

Forgive me for sounding singleminded, but until we learn to listen to the Heartbeat of God, and listen to our own heartbeats in the silence and serenity of solitude, we are never going to become the people we are meant to be. We will never find the name by which we are called by God, because we are too busy being christians.

I think we have all lost the point, because in this crowded, noise and image filled world, we have lost the gift of solitude. And we have actually forgotten the basic truth - that we cannot stand until and unless we fall into the hands of the Living God.